Never let it be said I can’t write a headline that gets attention, LOL.
This one isn’t another piece of erotica though, it’s brief commentary on the CW Network show and Neofeminism. For those who haven’t heard, the CW, at the urging of the show’s producer (Sarah Schechter) and star (Melissa Benoist), are eliminating the skirt from Supergirl’s outfit and switching her to pants.
I have to admit, looking at it just on it’s face, it’s not a bad costume. For me, it’s the “why” that is disturbing…
In an interview I read online, they both see this as such a bold and empowering move and are very proud of doing it. This kind of situation is where I get in trouble with the extreme end of the “feminist” movement. I see the story, and all I can think is “How did we get to a point in feminism…
I had to close my post on Gender Neutrality to further comments today. Things started getting out of hand there, I should have closed the comments as soon as the trolling started but I *try* to make this blog a place where people can rationally discuss differing views like adults. Too much of the internet is nothing but an echo chamber.
It’s become apparent I’m going to have to be a little more strict in controlling things here though. So, I’m putting folks on notice that I expect good behavior.
Related to the whole issue of feminism that’s come up in a couple of posts, I’m going to spell out my personal views in detail here.
Men aren’t better than women. Women aren’t better than men. Period.
God or whatever form you believe the Divine takes created men and women to be a balance to each other; a Yin and Yang. That should just be common sense.
Women should be free to pursue whatever they want in terms of a career. I’m not going to put ANY restrictions on that, EXCEPT that they should have to meet the same requirements as men to perform the job. No stacking the deck against her, no lowering the standards to get women in. That’s rarely going to be an issue anyway except in something like combat roles in the armed forces. If you want to be a female SEAL, great, just have the strength, conditioning and discipline to get through training. The lives of your squad mates depend on you being able to pull your weight.
Likewise, if a woman wants to stay at home and raise children, that should quit being spit on. Seeing that the next generation grows up healthy and mentally balanced is noble and a legitimate sacrifice. It’s not lowering yourself to being a “breeder”.
Sexual harassment and assault… I barely know where to begin here. If there was any doubt this is still a real issue, all one should have to do is look at Bill Cosby. It’s real and it needs to be stopped.
At the same time, I see extreme neo-feminists advocating that even a brief unwanted look is rape. It may be in poor taste, but it’s hardly rape. That kind of extremism undermines both the cause and the ability of real victims to come forward and be believed.
Can we just get to a place where, for example, a co-worker might be able to ask somebody out once without fear of being fired or going to jail, BUT will take NO for answer and back off afterwards? You know… Common sense and mutual respect???
Women and dress… Women should be able to wear what they want without fear of being attacked, period. Wearing pants shouldn’t be required to be taken seriously or seen as an equal. Wearing a BLBD (Basic Little Black Dress for the estrogen deficient, lol), shouldn’t be viewed as selling out by feminists or seen by guys as a desperate plea to get laid.
Ladies *if* you do go out dressed sexy, don’t get offended by an admiring look or a reasonably tasteful compliment though. Crude comments or leering looks are a different matter. Again, it’s about BALANCE and common sense. In this specific case, also admitting the dress went on with the intent of getting noticed, even if boundaries should still be respected.
As annoyed as I get with the cave man mentality out there, I find the ‘all men are evil’ mentality to be frustrating as well.
Reality is bashing all men for the crimes of a few has been fashionable long before neo-feminism went off the deep end. MEN don’t start wars. It’s almost always a select few nutcases like Hitler that start the wars, and the rest of civilization that takes up arms to stop them. That’s part of modern illogic though; blame the defenders and victims for the acts of the aggressors. Does anybody truly believe that Hitler would have gone away if ignored? 10+ years of appeasement only emboldened him.
Women are not inherently angelic, better qualified to lead, or vessels of the goddess. Elizabeth Bathory was every bit as evil as Vlad the Impaler. Almost every Hitler has an Eva Braun, and history is full of good men who have been led down the wrong path by a manipulative woman. Long story short, there’s good and bad in every group. It doesn’t matter if you’re talking a race, a religion of any type, a geographic location’s population, or a gender.
It all gets back to what I said in a few other posts; we need to let go of stereotypes and hate, and judge individuals of all races, creeds, genders, etc… strictly by the content of their character.
For all you Wiccans and those with similar goddess beliefs like Westernized Hindi religion, you’re only as much of a vessel for the divine as you align yourself with the divine. In plain English, that means being your best self.
I originally did this post back on Feb 19th of this year. It seems that the controversy which inspired it has flared up yet again on Facebook and Twitter though. So, here’s a very slightly updated version of that post:
I’ve already made a few posts today. I did say I was going to talk about that other recent Twitter notification that bothered me though.
It was one going around the erotica authors’ circle on Twitter. It was all about how women were supposedly “educating” men about what horrible erotica authors they are and laughing at their “stupid” mistakes. Not the first time I’ve seen such a post either. During my few months on twitter, I found the erotica authors to be pretty judgmental and negative in general. The key words there are “IN GENERAL”. There are some wonderful, supportive and talented women (and men) there also. I adore Ava Sterling and Aurora Blue in particular. They’ve been helpful since the beginning. They’re also both very talented and I highly recommend their books.
OK, getting back to the subject, let’s be real. There are quite a few bad male erotica authors out there. What the ladies are NOT understanding though is that their (the women’s) way or view is NOT the only way. I had a blog post about this in the past. There was an article in The Atlantic magazine how authors had to write consent in romance novels. The idea being essentially that if you didn’t have written and signed consent at every step of the way, you were writing and advocating rape. Here’s that blog post:
My comments there are enough said. Another example I saw in the past was a snarky agreement among some of those women that if bra or genital sizes were mentioned, they immediately stopped reading and declared the story was trash. “What did they do, take out a measuring tape at that point?” was one reply. What they were missing is that some people, particularly if they’re in fields that require regular measuring and sizing such as seamstresses and tailors, clothing sales people, construction and automotive workers, and even people that do crafty type things as hobbies, tend to be able to measure very accurately by eyesight. Regardless of gender, they’re likely to be visual people as well. It’s not unrealistic at all. Overall, I’d agree that general size descriptors and leaving things to imagination is probably a little better though.
So where do I think the issues are being seen all wrong? The ladies are missing a chance to grow their audience. Men DO buy and read erotica also. I get email from men and women both on my writing.
Saying “women don’t stand in front of mirrors and compare their boobs to fruit” misses the reality that men tend to be highly visual creatures and competition / comparison driven. They care about things like are a female character’s boobs “pear shaped” or perfectly round and firm *cough*fakeboobs*cough* (lol). They want to know who’s boobs are bigger and by how much also. When you understand the male mindset, you can tailor your writing just a little so that you appeal more to them as well. Bang, your sales go up.
Think carefully about that if you’re a romance or erotica author. Do you want to shut out half the world’s population as a potential market? If you bend just a little in your writing style you can reach a larger audience and still be true to yourself.
The whole idea of “teaching” men by belittling them is only going to backfire also. For all their bravado, men have fragile egos, especially where women are concerned. They’re also trained to suppress emotion early on, so they’re rarely all that intuitive, BUT they also are eager to please.
So here’s a tip, girls, both as authors and for relationships: All you’ve got to do to get a decent guy to do what you want is ask nicely or gently suggest. In the case of writing erotica, give them better, more natural ways to help relay visual information. Explain to them that the act isn’t about rutting either when you’re a woman. It’s about intimacy, emotional connection, and a primal need to feel desired, like that male character would sacrifice anything to have our heroine. When an erotica author can impart all of those male and female perspective elements into a story, I think the sky is the limit.
Again, same holds true with relationships. Too many women complain about men being clueless, and expect them to know exactly how to touch them, what to say to them, etc… It takes communication. Positive communication too. “A little gentler (or rougher), oh yes!”, goes much farther with the typical clueless male than “not like that, you selfish idiot.”
A certain radio show host on relationships had it right; women have much more power in relationships than people think. At least in reasonably healthy relationships. It just has to be used in the right way.
A short rant here, as I started up my computer, went to my home page and saw a link to an article at Wired.com about how gender neutral pronouns are needed to change the world for the better. First, remember when Wired used to be a tech magazine, not another social commentary platform?
Let’s get to the core issue though. The basic premise of eliminating gender is that women can’t possibly be seen as equal if they’re seen as a woman… apparently even by other women if things need to be taken this far. This SHOULD be offensive to any woman with any common sense. The goal of feminism used to be to be seen as equal while still being able to be a woman. In simpler terms, to be who you are while still being viewed as equal.
Keep in mind that many of the people pushing this gender neutrality idea are the same ones that call mothers (especially stay at home ones) “breeders” with a sneer in their voice. Some women are more equal than others apparently. Orwell’s “Animal Farm” anyone?
Is it REALLY so hard to understand that MLK was right? We should be striving for a world where people are judged on the content of their character and not the color of their skin… or their gender. Yes, it’s a slower process working towards that goal. The end result will be a better world though.