Tag Archives: Enough is Enough

Dirty Laundry

Sort of a two-fer here with a double meaning. First after my most recent post regarding my mother, I decided it was time to draw a line. Time to follow Dr Henry Cloud’s advice and set some Boundaries.

However, given that I planned on using this video as part of the follow-up AND it does an amazing job of showing how I feel about the media, there’s indeed a double meaning to this post

Side note: The encouraging thing is that the video has 14,000 likes and over 1300 comments supporting it. People DO actually get it.

My Own “Dirty Laundry”

Getting back onto the main topic however… It’s time to finally stop the madness with my mother. I had previously written her, shortly after my last post, and more or less said the same things to her. No surprise; her response was “Maybe we just shouldn’t talk anymore since I always seem to piss you off. All that matters is that you two are happy anyway.”

I’ve stewed on that for a couple days. Here’s my reply to her:

Well, that was certainly an interesting reply… textbook narcissism and emotional manipulation: “We shouldn’t talk anymore, all I do is piss you off, and all that matters is you two are happy.”

I almost didn’t reply, but, I’ll give it one last try taking a more adult approach.  Yes, the last email was pretty fiery.  I solidly SHOULD have done better there.  That level of anger rarely accomplishes anything productive. 

THAT said, how many times over the past ten years have I tried to explain to you how bad my neck and back were though, only to have you pay lip service to understanding while your tonality and body language made it clear you thought I was BSing everyone?  Even medical paperwork wouldn’t convince you.  It’s easy enough to research how frequently spinal surgery fails and the best case scenario is almost always a chain of repeated surgeries with more and more of the back immobilized and in pain.  It’s just a matter of how soon.  SO, yes, I was very frustrated.

I’ve dealt with physical pain for decades. It had it’s ups and downs, also where I’d go through brief periods where I felt like I was getting better. As soon as I pushed myself more though, back to square one. Honestly, that’s even worse, because it makes you (me) feel like the problem is me, and not a physical issue… That I’m not just useless but choosing to be useless. To have you come along and continually make snide remarks and ask me when I’m going back to work, even after showing you all the evidence… Yeah it hurts, especially when the facts are so easily verified.

It’s easier to believe the worst of me though.  Always has been.  “Call a person a cow enough and they’ll start eating grass”.  It used to be one of your favorite tag lines.  Why am I the only one it doesn’t apply to for you? Didn’t grandma do the same thing to you and you rabidly HATED it?

You’ve never seen how it took me FAR longer than it should have to do the things you have seen me accomplish around the old house like staining the patio.  You never saw how sore I was afterward either.  Likewise, I could tell you about how I felt better after the decompression treatments, pushed myself into helping with the recent move and hurt my back again.  That I’m recovering from thanks to home decompression units.  As I tried to explain in the past though, this is a thing that takes time, and every time I push it, I only set things back.

It’s one thing to ask and genuinely try to understand and / or offer helpful suggestions.  It’s another to browbeat.  It’s yet another when 10 years of explanations aren’t enough.

Grandma’s toxic influence as an excuse only goes so far, especially when you say you’re over it now.  I know it is still a factor though.  I’d wager that you’re doing the same thing I did for years with our overall family dynamic; buried the problems and pretended that cured it.  The trouble is, it never does.  It all comes bubbling back up, especially when one doesn’t mean it to. 

I’ll even give you credit for part of it being frustration at being unable to do anything to fix the situation.  Typical parental feeling, even if expressed in an unhealthy way.  I don’t think you’re a monster, I’m just tired of the criticism.

I’ve got to voice a couple of other LONG terms suspicions here also…

First, accident or no, I didn’t ask to be born, and *I* am not responsible for how your life turned out.  Yes, I feel like you’re still acting like I owe you something there.  That despite the fact that overall, your life turned out pretty good.  We have had our issues, and things were rough with ****** (my first step dad for you readers), but it all has gone pretty well since, even if you didn’t become some big career success, whatever you imagine that to be.

Secondly, but related, I’m a unique human being with my own hopes and dreams.  It’s not MY job to live the life you wish you’d had.  Enough said there; it stands without need of further explanation.

And as a side note, moving to Tennessee was ONLY about the need to escape a state that’s falling apart and get someplace where we could afford to live.  It had ZIP to do with family in any way.  Family was what kept us there as long as we were.

OK, that’s the end of this one.  Things need to change.  It’s that simple.  You have every right to ask reasonable questions and make suggestions, etc…  Badgering and browbeating though, no.  Likewise, I do NOT want to hear that this is “dictating terms”, etc…  It’s setting healthy, clear boundaries.  Something I should have done earlier, and under calmer circumstances.

IF you can accept that, we can work at fixing things and maybe both of us getting some real healing out of this for once.  If you want to walk away, I’ve made peace with that too.  This will be strike three for me though.  I’ll either have peace with you in my life (even if it takes some work from both of us), or I’ll have it without you.  The choice is yours.

Wrapping it Up:

And there you have it. This is the kind of stuff I don’t like posting about because I think it too easily becomes a toxic pity party. Some blogs have built a pretty substantial following on that too. *I* don’t want to be that person though.

Why post it at all then? Personal accountability to follow through on what I wrote here, and to let readers know I’m acting on the issue, not wallowing in drama that will pop up here over and over.

Personally, I feel pretty good after writing that to her. Ball’s in her court and I reached out as much as I felt I could under the circumstances. She flushes the relationship, it’s on her and I won’t look back.

OH, and if you’ve never read “Boundaries”, do so. There are too many people nowadays that will run roughshod over your life and call you a bad person for saying “no”. This will help you see you’re not the crazy one, and how and when to draw healthy boundaries.

Calling BS on “Draconian Business Closure Edicts”

This will end up being a prelude to a post I had already planned on doing about finally getting out on the town on Tuesday night; coming soon (like later tonight).

However, I once again saw a story, (this time a blog post), exploiting the whole situation with COVID-19. While I frequently call BS on the Far Left, (because they have a much wider voice / reach), I’ll certainly pick on the Right also when they’re wrong. Such is the case here. The blog post talked about how Nashville had monkeyed with COVID statistics and used that as an excuse to implement “Dracnoian Business Closure Edicts”.

The trouble here is that I just was there two days ago. We went to go grab a pizza on Broadway; Nashville’s version of Music Row, and then try a milkshake place that was shown on the Food Network’s ‘Best Thing I Ever Ate’.

local rule; as long as you’re at your table, you don’t need a mask.

Truth? Everything was open. Every joint on the strip had live music, social distancing was actually at a bare minimum, and I saw next to nothing closed. The Ryman Auditorium was open, etc… The only thing I really saw closed at all was the civic center. We parked near there since it was the one parking spot we knew, and walked a good mile or so. We passed the hockey arena and the Country Music Hall of Fame along the way too.

Everyone in LA is an Actor, and everyone in Nashville is a singer, lol

In fact, I was actually a little annoyed at the number of people walking around without masks at all. Police were out also but not enforcing the masks in public rule.

For those who haven’t read my previous posts, I’m very middle of the road on COVID-19. It CAN be quite dangerous but often isn’t, and it’s spread about twice as much as a bad flu season. I advocate using a mask in public, a little common sense, and NOT listening to the hysteria on BOTH sides of the issue. It is NOT the end of civilization, nor is it a completely fake story drummed up to scare people. It sickens me also that people on both sides of this mess are trying to exploit it for personal and political gain.

And both sides wonder why the public doesn’t trust anything they say on the issue, or anything else.

They want MY trust, they’re going to have to earn it via accurately informing, NOT manipulation and fear mongering.

A Textbook Example

Before I jump into this, a note that I’m still playing catch up on the blogs I’m subscribed to, so have patience there folks. 🙂

That said, a while back, I did a post expressing my disdain for the way news outlets and people on social media like to weaponize fear and loathing to scare and control people (link provided). A friend I’ve known since my first go around with college, (tail end of the 80s), recently sent me a link to a YouTube video that I think serves as a perfect example.

I’ll post a link right after this. I’m not sure what to make of the video’s creator. *IF* I recall correctly, he’s done past videos badmouthing California’s out of control homeless problem. There are alot of people doing such videos though, and most are fairly accurate. ANYWAY… Despite what I think I remember, the author made this video that both attacks California for it’s homeless problem AND attacks the state for a proposed solution:

Just the title sounds horrible, right? INTERNMENT CAMPS!!!

Those of you who have been paying attention to the fear and loathing for a while MAY note that this sounds ALOT like the FEMA Death Camps that were talked about by rabid anti-government types during the Bush 2 and early Obama years.

LONG reply to my friend tearing this article apart made short; a handful of cities around the state have begun looking at measures to get the homeless who are mentally ill or hopelessly addicted and a danger to the public off the street.

The video creator took the arguments of the extremist homeless advocates in California and turned those plans into a forced internment of ALL homeless and even potentially anyone who even looks homeless or that the government might take a dislike to. Every source he mentions he exaggerates and twists what they say in an effort to whip his audience into a frenzy.

For those who can read more than a tweet 😀 here’s my full reply to my friend:

Yes, I watched the video. What I saw was alot of extrapolated conclusions designed to strike fear with minimum support. First, reality is that California is controlled by ultra-liberal civil rights activists. That’s why police can’t enforce the law here and cities won’t and can’t do anything about the homeless. You try to crack down, they sue on behalf of the “poor abused victims of circumstance”. Sacramento folded without a fight on the overturn of it’s aggressive panhandling ordinance for that reason.

Yeah, San Francisco is an extreme in that they fully embrace the insanity. LA, San Diego, Sacramento, etc… do also but to lesser degrees. It’s about profiteering and political power when they do. Sacramento has spent millions on a freaking large tent and 100 cots. Tell me there’s not massive profiteering there.

Side note here: Research turned up that California has a 2.4 Billion dollar budget to treat the mentally ill but can’t keep them off the streets. Again, waste and mismanagement.

Back to the video proper: First, he shows PART of a Politico article. When he finally gets to reading the article, he glosses over that it does almost nothing to support it’s allegations. One vague comment by Weiner, and mention of a law making it easier to have dangerous mentally ill people committed. What the article blatantly fails to mention is that after Reagan cut funding for state mental institutions, states didn’t pick up the funding themselves as they should have. Instead, they changed the laws so it was almost impossible to get somebody committed unless they’d killed or maimed somebody. It’s one of the reasons why these deranged mass shooters keep slipping through the cracks. Returning to a common sense middle ground is NOT a sign of death camps and wealth confiscation.

I love his comment about it (such potential laws) won’t pass constitutional muster either. As long as there’s due process as a safety net, it will. And if the bill is SO bad, why isn’t there a link to it? Perhaps he should document his claims and actually study law before making statements.

The City of Redding: This was in the news and is the kind of gross exaggeration that is common nowadays. Redding wanted to enforce laws and get the dangerous and crazy homeless off the street. The far left turns it into another Bush / Obama FEMA Death Camps story though.

Then he makes the unsubstantiated jump to this is going to lead to EVERYONE having all their assets taken from them. Without supporting evidence, that’s just the kind of fear mongering that politicians are known for nowadays. The closest you can get to his claim is Bloomberg saying that the soda tax is justified because poor people are too stupid to make healthy decisions for themselves. Ergo, can’t say it’s impossible, but it’s a FAR FAR cry from wanting to get violent crazy people off the streets of Redding.

The article then contradicts him, saying that people will have the option to vote on a measure forcing treatment for these folks instead of prison. The folks that bounce in and out of mental illness and drug facilities skirt their treatments and relapse constantly. They get pushed back into treatment short term when they rob and / or hurt somebody. Then the whole cycle starts again. It drives the police nuts that actually TRY to do their jobs here. All because the current system places the rights of junkies and the mentally ill above the public. Again, a return to balance is not death camps for homeless people.

His “who decides” (who gets committed) argument ignores that fact that the legal precedent for almost 100 years is that the person is a clear danger to themselves or others. It’s also why we have hearings with judges for this sort of thing. Self-sufficient has been well defined legally for ages as well.

The Vice article he goes to next: Clean, sober and able to take care of yourself is an INSANE standard??? Keep in mind we’re NOT talking about locking up the casual drinker or the pot head who’s still relatively functional (nor should we be). We’re talking the bottom of the barrel, can’t even take care of themselves, very frequently violent homeless who rob to support their addiction. Part of the reason we never get anything done is that people want to take a moderate common sense approach to a problem and distort it to the extreme. The mental health checks on gun purchases are another good example there. We had conservatives screaming it’d result in nobody owning guns and crazies would just hurt themselves or others anyway. That’s a cop out. Gun owners and the NRA lost some of the folks in the middle on this issue also because they refused to say “Lets find a check system that keeps the guns out of the hands of crazies but protects responsible gun owners”. It reminds me of Yoda telling Luke “Always with you it cannot be done”.

Eating Twinkies instead of steak (as a reason for being locked up) is a silly example. His claim that you can be grabbed off the street just for being accused of being homeless is silly also. The Bill of Rights says we’re innocent until proven guilty. That means the burden of proof is on the state to prove we’re NOT able to take care of ourselves.

Being accused of being homeless for being in the park is beyond silly also. It’s weaponizing fear and loathing. You don’t have a shopping cart full of crap, trash bags full of other belongings and trash thrown everywhere, you’re not homeless. More-so, all it takes is showing a valid ID with a current address. He’s so rabidly anti-California he can’t even see he’s contradicting his own past stories about how out of control and dangerous the homeless population in California is.

Note even the Vice story was honest enough to admit that Redding only wants to commit those homeless people who are clearly mentally ill or junkies. Nobody has said anything about going after the other roughly half of the homeless population who keep to themselves, cause no trouble and some of whom are working to get back off the streets.

He’s taking his talking points from the extreme elements of the homeless advocacy community. The same people that say I have no right to tell homeless people that they can’t camp or defecate on my own lawn. THEY are the same people who have caused this problem, advocated for needle exchange programs in an Francisco that led to it’s streets being unsafe and 16 people being employed by the city to do nothing but clean up used needles off the streets. SF is also now spending 73 MILLION dollars just to clean human excrement off the streets and prevent an epidemic.

NOTE: I saw this on the CBS local news night before last and was stunned by the total. I checked for the story at the station’s website and elsewhere just now and couldn’t find it. The story has disappeared. While it’s not the first time I’ve seen stories of corruption go poof here, even I find it hard to believe that SF could try to get away with charging taxpayers 73 million dollars to clean poop off sidewalks every day. What is widely published is that SF is spending a quarter million dollars every year just to clean the poop off the streets of it’s Tenderloin neighborhood.

Yeah, I stopped at the half way point and skipped ahead a few times after that. All I saw was him GROSSLY distorting news stories, exaggerating what would happen while offering NO documentation to support his claims that any plans to get help to addicts and the mentally ill would be abused, much less expanded to the general public. It’s the same thing the news does nowadays; weaponizing fear and loathing, and causing divisiveness for the sake of ratings.

Contrary to what the advocates he’s parroting say also, letting the mentally ill and junkies run wild is NOT a kindness to them. It’s enabling destructive behavior, not compassion. It’s the general public and the relatively normal part of the homeless population that suffer for it too.

Those who have followed me for a while and read my post should know I’m fairly sympathetic towards homeless people who truly want to better themselves and get off the streets. I’ve said before that I believe we should do whatever we can to help them become self-sufficient again. Job training, job placement, initial housing help, etc… along with some financial literacy education to help minimize the chances of becoming homeless again. I’d say that’s a third to half of the homeless population too based on first hand experience.

What I do NOT have any patience remaining for (esp after my recent assault) is homeless people who don’t want to work, or fit into normal society and think they have a God given right to have everything paid for by others and to abuse the community at large.

As for the addicted and mentally ill among the homeless… I’ve said before that if they’re a legitimate danger to others, they should be locked up. Their rights do not supersede the right of the public to be safe in their own neighborhoods and homes. If they want treatment, give it to them. Cheaper than the damage they’ll do to themselves and others otherwise. If they get straight and want a normal life, move them to that first group that gets all the help they need. If not, it’s morally wrong to make others suffer for their poor decisions.

J Street at the Business 80 overpass yesterday on the way to my acupuncture treatment

OK, that side rant was to make it clear I’m not just hating on the homeless. This was originally about the way this one YouTuber was spreading fear and hate. These are the kind of things you have to look out for: wild accusations based VERY loosely on “somebody said”. Half truths and gross exaggerations as well. Most lies are based on half truths after all. Have either the common sense of our ancestors and want it “from the horse’s mouth” OR (to put it another way), remember what you were hopefully taught in school about primary sources and hearsay second hand crap.

Weaponizing Fear and Loathing

Riddle me this: What’s the fastest two ways to get people to abandon all reason and often their freedoms as well? Answer: create panic and stir hatred.

For those who didn’t guess, this is another post inspired by my frustration with seeing so many “End of the World” stories, posts and rants in the media and other blogs. My opening premise is absolutely true also. If you get people scared enough about something, they’ll do anything they’re told is a fix, and attack or shun anybody who disagrees. It’s how the Nazis took power in Germany, and it’s a tactic seen almost everywhere in politics and social issues nowadays.

I wish I had the energy to go on the major tirade this deserves. God knows I could spend all day verbally tearing up the extreme left, the extreme right, the environmental movement and other social justice causes. Maybe I will in future individual posts also.

The bad part is that most of the social causes I agree with in principle. It’s the extreme they’re taken to and the lies told to advance them that annoy me AND ultimately hurt their cause. The extreme elements of the environmental movement have been saying life is going to end in 10 years for 30 years. The updated science is always better though.

That kind of exaggeration only hurts a VERY important cause. There are several serious issues related to the environment that deserve attention. Lies only hurt the cause. They give nay sayers ammunition and they make some believers feel overwhelmed and like nothing they do could make a difference either.

I picked on the environmental movement here even though that wasn’t my original plan. There are plenty of other groups out there that deserve a kick in the rear also. I’d be here forever though. With that in mind, let me try to get to the bigger point here.

If your cause is using scare tactics and stirring up hate to get people to act, you should question the cause’s leadership and methods at the least. The cause has given up the moral high ground at that point. You should also thoroughly question the “facts” you’re being told at that point. At best they’re going to be half truths spun for a secondary purpose (like somebody’s personal power and wealth).

Beware of anybody who says they have all the answers and they’re the only ones who can fix all your problems. If they tell you that anyone who disagrees is the enemy also, RUN! In the old days, we called that a cult. Nowadays, sowing fear, anger and division is just business as usual.

It will only stop when the silent majority finds it’s voice and says ENOUGH.